Im scared......(Warning: Not for a weak stomach)

I received my third fill two and a half weeks ago that was 2.2 CCs. Im not sure exactly where that brings my total for my band, but something just isnt right. I think I am TOO full right now. It took me week and a half or so to get off liquids and tolerate mushies....and then another 3-4 days before I could tolerate solids. Even so, I am still having a hard time with them. I find myself reverting back to soups and shakes as opposed to "real" foods. I am almost scared to try solid foods because of the pain and the possibility of throwing up.

The pain is a strange kind of pain. It feels as though I have a golf ball stuck in my esophogus lodged between my breasts. The food doesn't even seem to make it beyond that point. I can even feel it slowly progressing downward as it attempts to pass. It doesnt quite feel like choking, however prolonged time like this causes it to become uncomfortable and hard to breathe, which in turn has me running to the bathroom to throw up whatever is stuck. The biggest culprits seem to be bread of any kind (sliced, tortillas, pita etc) and meat. After the food has passed or been thrown up it literally feels as though my esophogus is bruised. It is painful to eat or drink anything and I just feel tired. Eating has become an ordeal that I don't want to do. It's easier just to drink my food then to attempt to chew anything and have it get stuck!

I thought things were getting better, I hadn't thrown up in a few days after a meal and was venturing into solids a bit more but then it all came back last night as I was driving home with Jake. I had stopped on our way back from Williamsburg to get him some dinner at Wendy's and decided to attempt one of his chicken nuggets. At first it was fine, nothing was getting stuck, it seemed like I was going to be able to eat the whole thing. Ummm not so much. All at once I couldnt breathe and the urge to get rid of the food in my throat was overwhelming. I had barely pulled over on the side of I-64 then it all came back up. It was scary to think that it happened whie I was driving. What could have happened if I didn't pull over in time? Why did it seem like everything was okay then out of nowhere it intensified to the point of extreme?

Then tonight as I was eating some chicken and refried beans at my fav. mexican place. I barely had anything at all.... Maybe 2-3 bites of beans and 1-2 bites of chicken and I couldnt bear it. I almost didnt make it to the bathroom in time before it all came back up. I am remembering to cut into small pieces and the bites that I am taking are what you would give an infant just starting on solids. I am not drinking in between bites, nor am I rushing. I am very aware of taking my time because for a few days I thought that was the only reason this was happening. Now I take extra time.

I am afraid for several reasons. I am scared of what will happen if I can't make it when food has to come up. Im scared because I dont feel I am getting adequate nutrition right now. I am scared that I am throwing up too much and will damage my throat permanantly as well as mess with the enamel on my teeth. I am losing weight, but at what cost!? I would rather keep a pound or two than do this every time I eat.

I am going to talk to the surgeon about an adjustment but dont know when it will happen. Schedules are so tight right now with work and the fact he only does them one day a week I don't know when it'll happen. I guess for now though, its back to soups, shakes and jell-o.

oh and for those that want an update on weight lost: As of this morning Im down 52 lbs!