What a pain in the gas!

Uh, if I dont stop burping soon I think Im going to be responsible for some global warming situations over Greenland! I thought the gas was supposed to be out of your system within the first few days? Luckily though there isnt much if any pain going on in there anymore due to it. It's just there and its making a grand appearance several times a day by way of loud nasty burps. So, to everyone I come in contact with for the next few days, Im not really rude but I cant help the burping!


On another note, I called Dr. Clark's office earlier this week to request a bump up in my diet progression from liquids to mushies. He did not approve it. At this point I have ONE MORE WEEK LEFT of liquid diet (hopefully). I am waiting very impatiently. I broke down again tonight and snuck a couple of bites of my son's turkey and noodles at dinner. What's even worse is that I didnt spit them out this time. I made sure to chew them into oblivion but looking back now I know that I am stupid for doing it. I feel extremely full which is good, but also bad. I am very scared I might have done something to make my band slip or stretch my new pouch.

Being on a 600-700 calorie a day liquid diet is very trying. I think this is one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. The mental issues that are coming up are insane. I am beyond the phsyical issues. I am not so hungry anymore that drinking something cant cure, however mentally I am not ready to go back to solid foods. I need to figure out what the duck is up with me and making these bad choices. Is it habit? Is it because I wasnt taught better? Is it because I want to make the choices and fail on some subconcious level? I think I might make an appointment with the psych lady again---maybe she can help me figure it out. All I know is that my behavior tonight was unacceptable. Not only did I put all of the work Ive done for the past few months in jeopardy, I put my health in jeopardy as well.

Its so crazy to put these words on a blog for the world to see. Its almost like airing a personal secret for me to admit my breakdown to you all, however in doing so I realize exactly HOW bad it really is that I did it. I can lie to myself or tell myself its not that severe if I am not accountable to anyone else, but putting it here holds me accountable to all of you that read this.

Please hold me accountable! Help me stay on track whether it means commenting here or emailing me or calling me (for those that have my number). I need you just as much as some of you need me!

Okay little one is climbing into my lap so I need to end this! I'll post again soon with another update. Remember, make sure to check back next Thursday or Friday for sure for an update on weight loss since I head to see the surgeon for my FIRST POST OP APPOINTMENT!!

My hardest times during the day....

The reason I put times instead of time is because I have already realized I have two very diffifult times during the day. The first one is my "mentally" hard time. That is around dinnertime. I am so used to eating my meat, potato, and veggie that it has been hard to break the routine. I see Greg and Jake eating dinner and it just makes me long to chew something.

Even though my body feels full, mentally Im like a two year old screaming about why I can't have a cookie when everyone else gets one. I sit there drinking my broth or protein shake and just simmer. No, its not anybody's fault but my own. I got myself into this situation so I shouldn't penalize anyone, right? The hell I can't! Their all eating nothing but veggies from now on! I have made the decree!! They shall not eat cakes or cookies or anything relatively desirable to me at the moment.

The second hardest time for me is once I have gone to bed This is my "physically" hard time of the day. I am 5 days post-op now and can FINALLY lay on my left side, even if it is only for a short time. I am still having issues with gas once I lay down so that's making things difficult for me. I have also noticed that I am having issues with pain, soreness, and/or numbness in my arms quite a bit more than I did pre-op. Each night since coming home from the hospital I have woken up several times after falling asleep to find myself staring at the clock and willing it to be morning so I could get up and go again. I have tried sleeping in a recliner but that is just too uncomfy for me. I like to sleep curled up on my side. It has become a comforting habit for me. I have tried laying flat and then tried propping myself up with pillows. I have tried sleeping as I did before the surgery but to no avail, I haven't been able to find my sweet spot yet as far as sleeping is concerned.

Its too bad really, I did happen to really enjoy sleeping before all of this!

PICTURE TIME!!!!

There has always been a skinny lady hidden inside me, usually I could keep her satisfied and quiet with oreos, but no longer! She has spoken out that she wants out! She wants to go shopping at Jones New York, she wants to buy silky lingerie from La Perla--okay Victoria's Secret since I cant afford La Perla--but you get the point! She is TIRED of being kept quiet and wants OUT! Here are a few pictures of me in my chubbster glory and hopefully soon I'll be able to update you all with pictures of that skinny lady poking out soon!

Soooooo without further adieu.....


Craptastic Web image of me back before I had two chins!!! I remember that bathing suit! I was about 250 at the time..... ahhh memories!

Me and my long board Summer of 2002 right before I bought my house 260 lbs

Day before my Birthday --I think we were in GA for a concert.... about 280 lbs August 2003

May 2005 in Hawaii about 320 lbs

February 2005 in Scotland--about 315lbs

Crazy awful self portrait in the bathroom... around 350lbs--about March 2007

4th of July 2008 in NYC.... my heaviest by far at 360lbs

P.S. Doing well today! No pain meds as of yet today so that's good. Getting ready to go play Easter Bunny for my little man and hide eggs :) We are going to do the dying eggs bit soon as well. I think I'll be calling the surgeon's office to see if I am allowed to help eat the 2 dozen or so hard boiled eggs we have in the house, since I cant bring myself to throw them out.....