Uh, if I dont stop burping soon I think Im going to be responsible for some global warming situations over Greenland! I thought the gas was supposed to be out of your system within the first few days? Luckily though there isnt much if any pain going on in there anymore due to it. It's just there and its making a grand appearance several times a day by way of loud nasty burps. So, to everyone I come in contact with for the next few days, Im not really rude but I cant help the burping!
On another note, I called Dr. Clark's office earlier this week to request a bump up in my diet progression from liquids to mushies. He did not approve it. At this point I have ONE MORE WEEK LEFT of liquid diet (hopefully). I am waiting very impatiently. I broke down again tonight and snuck a couple of bites of my son's turkey and noodles at dinner. What's even worse is that I didnt spit them out this time. I made sure to chew them into oblivion but looking back now I know that I am stupid for doing it. I feel extremely full which is good, but also bad. I am very scared I might have done something to make my band slip or stretch my new pouch.
Being on a 600-700 calorie a day liquid diet is very trying. I think this is one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. The mental issues that are coming up are insane. I am beyond the phsyical issues. I am not so hungry anymore that drinking something cant cure, however mentally I am not ready to go back to solid foods. I need to figure out what the duck is up with me and making these bad choices. Is it habit? Is it because I wasnt taught better? Is it because I want to make the choices and fail on some subconcious level? I think I might make an appointment with the psych lady again---maybe she can help me figure it out. All I know is that my behavior tonight was unacceptable. Not only did I put all of the work Ive done for the past few months in jeopardy, I put my health in jeopardy as well.
Its so crazy to put these words on a blog for the world to see. Its almost like airing a personal secret for me to admit my breakdown to you all, however in doing so I realize exactly HOW bad it really is that I did it. I can lie to myself or tell myself its not that severe if I am not accountable to anyone else, but putting it here holds me accountable to all of you that read this.
Please hold me accountable! Help me stay on track whether it means commenting here or emailing me or calling me (for those that have my number). I need you just as much as some of you need me!
Okay little one is climbing into my lap so I need to end this! I'll post again soon with another update. Remember, make sure to check back next Thursday or Friday for sure for an update on weight loss since I head to see the surgeon for my FIRST POST OP APPOINTMENT!!
Don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's for your health and all but you are only human. I know I would do the same thing. You just have to find your inner Chi and do it. Food is just as addicting as cigarettes or alcohol we all know it is the problem is we have to eat to live. Maybe take a walk when everyone is eating the meat since that seems to be a big trigger for you. Get away from the smell of it it won't help you any to put yourself through hell smelling it. You CAN do this! ;)
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how difficult this is. I agree with the comment that food is an addiction like anything else. The only difference is other addicts don't have to have a little of their "drug" to stay alive.
ReplyDeleteIt is going to be a battle but you can WIN!
It not going to be easy, but Erin be careful. You don't want to mess up your band. Just suck it up (literally) and stay with your liquids for another week,
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